


won't you help me out?

by pageleaf



Series: miscellaneous kpop crossover ships [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Canon Compliant, Exes, Hopeful Ending, Kinda, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:29:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23083243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pageleaf/pseuds/pageleaf
Summary: Kihyun deflates. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "It's not fair of me to take my feelings out on you. I know you've had it hard, too, in ways I probably don't even know about."Yoongi shakes his head. "That doesn't matter. You don't have to be sorry for being angry, and if you can't direct that anger where it deserves to go, I don't mind you directing it at me."Kihyun rolls his eyes. "That's very noble and self-sacrificing of you, Yoongi-ssi, but I don't need you to be my punching bag.""Ah, but I'm so good at it," Yoongi murmurs, sounding almost coy, and suddenly, they are talking about something very different. "Don't you remember, Kihyun-ah?"
Relationships: Min Yoongi | Suga/Yoo Kihyun
Series: miscellaneous kpop crossover ships [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659343
Comments: 26
Kudos: 117





	won't you help me out?

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i finally posted some yoongi/kihyun after yelling about these two fools for so long on twitter!!! god!! this takes place somewhere during awards season 2019, probably around december. it very briefly and nonspecifically touches on the wonho situation, but it's not at all a plot point--it's just that this fic is, in part, an exploration of ways that these two dudes who've known each other since the start might find comfort in each other because of that knowing, even though their different circumstances seem like they should drive them apart.
> 
> thank you to pushingtothedge, mahistrado, and formerlydf for looking over the first half of this when i was desperate for validation, and giving me everything i wanted and more <3 thank you also to all of twitter for putting up with my yoonkihyun bullshit all this time. i wish i could say that it's going to stop now that i've posted fic, but....it won't. love you!
> 
> [here's the spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lkfu0wgQbPKcLqhoZekCR) i listened to on repeat while writing the last half of this! the fic title is from "underwater" by monsta x. i also considered taking a title from "middle of the night" but decided the yearning was more important than the horniness

"Why are you here?" Kihyun says, stupidly, when he opens the door.

Yoongi, smiling back at him with a bag in each hand, falters. "Sorry," he says, tilted up at the end like he's not quite sure what he's sorry for. "I thought...it's tradition..."

Kihyun comes back to himself then, loosening his death grip on the edge of the door, and shakes his head. "Of course. No—I'm sorry, come in, please." He lets Yoongi in and adds, "It's good to see you, Yoongi," trying to sound less forced. Belatedly, he catches the aroma emanating from one of Yoongi's bags, and his stomach growls with the enthusiasm his words were lacking. He hasn't eaten since the morning.

Laughing, Yoongi sets the bags down on the slim hotel desk. "I've got alcohol too," he says.

"Do we have the time?" Kihyun asks. "To drink? Don't you have—other obligations?"

Yoongi shrugs. "I might stop by Jin-hyung's live later, but he won't mind if I miss it. He understands how precious time with old friends can be."

The way he says _old friends_ —soft, uncomfortably intimate—makes Kihyun want to hug him, or possibly throw him out.

He busies himself with unloading the bag of food, laying the plastic containers out on the desk, while Yoongi pours them a drink. One glass is filled and Kihyun accepts it automatically, then hesitates, setting it back down a hand's breadth away.

"Yoongi," he says.

"Mm." Yoongi has his eyes on the second glass, and all of a sudden, Kihyun feels frustration bubble up within him.

"Min Yoongi," he repeats, and Yoongi finally blinks, looking up at him. His face is placid in that way of his, where he could be feeling nothing, or he could be feeling too much to show. Once upon a time, Kihyun could tell the difference. He could always read Yoongi like an open book, but now—although his face is the same, his expressions are the same—the years and experiences dividing them cloud his sight.

"Yoo Kihyun," Yoongi says back, and Kihyun realizes he's just been staring at him intensely, without speaking.

"Why are you here?"

"I already said—"

"You know as well as I do that we haven't met like this in at least two years," Kihyun hisses. "Why bring back the tradition all of a sudden, and without even texting me first?"

Yoongi tilts his head and faces him fully, abandoning the soju for now. "I knew you'd be here," he says.

Kihyun crosses his arms. "And if I didn't want to see you?"

At that, Yoongi's face darkens with a flash of hurt. Kihyun feels guilty, absurdly, even though he has every right to be annoyed with Yoongi springing his presence on him without considering what Kihyun wants, all that Kihyun has been dealing with, how long it's been since they last—saw each other.

"Do you not want to see me?" Yoongi asks. The tone he's been using so far (playful, casual, a hint of a childish whine threaded through each word) has disappeared. He's entirely sincere, and Kihyun flinches from it like a spooked animal.

He deflects. "Maybe I didn't want to see anyone."

"Am I 'anyone'?" Yoongi wonders aloud, and before Kihyun can even comprehend how to answer that question, he repeats, "Do you not want to see me, Kihyun-ah?"

"Yoongi." Kihyun can feel himself grinding his teeth. "I want you to think about how the last month has gone for me, and then about how this year has gone for you, and then consider again why I might not have wanted to see you tonight."

Understanding dawns across Yoongi's face, followed by deep regret. Frustrated anger burns the back of Kihyun's throat, hot and acrid. His jaw is clenched so tight his cheeks hurt, and he stumbles back blindly to sit on the edge of the hotel bed. Humiliated, he places his head in his hands, to disguise both the way they shake, and the beginning of tears. He knows this breakdown has been long overdue, but did it have to happen now? The day before an award show, and in front of Min Yoongi of all people?

After a painfully long pause, he feels the bed dip next to him. The back of his neck prickles, and he imagines he can feel the heat of Yoongi's hand where it must be hovering over his shoulder, hesitant.

"...do you really want me to go?" Yoongi asks softly. "I will, if you want."

The _yes_ is on the tip of his tongue, but Kihyun—hesitates. He finds himself saying, "I don't know," instead. Inhaling deeply, he suppresses the tears and lifts his head, forcing himself to look at Yoongi. "I'm not jealous of you."

Yoongi's eyes widen. "I know you're not."

"Really," Kihyun says firmly, desperate to be understood. "I might've been, once upon a time, but I'm not. Our lives are different from each other, our successes and failures, and that—that's okay, it's just—"

"Kihyun," Yoongi cuts him off softly. "I know." Kihyun believes him, and his jaw unclenches. "I didn't think," Yoongi continues. "I wanted to come over because I wanted to see you, and because I thought you might want...a distraction, or a friend. And I wanted to be that for you."

Kihyun deflates. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "It's not fair of me to take my feelings out on you. I know you've had it hard, too, in ways I probably don't even know about."

Yoongi shakes his head. "That doesn't matter. You don't have to be sorry for being angry, and if you can't direct that anger where it deserves to go, I don't mind you directing it at me."

Kihyun rolls his eyes. "That's very noble and self-sacrificing of you, Yoongi-ssi, but I don't need you to be my punching bag."

"Ah, but I'm so good at it," Yoongi murmurs, sounding almost coy, and suddenly, they are talking about something very different. "Don't you remember, Kihyun-ah?"

Heat blooms in Kihyun's face, and he stutters, fights to choke out, " _Yoongi_. What are you—"

Yoongi peers up at him from under his eyelashes. God, he looks good. That's the problem with Min Yoongi—even when it hurts to be near him, even when it's confusing and painful and makes Kihyun feel small and mean and petty, he's still the most beautiful thing Kihyun's ever seen.

"I wish," Yoongi says, and Kihyun startles. His eyes are averted now, the tips of his ears red. "I wish sometimes, that we could go back, you and me. To before."

 _Before_ : that formless, hazy time when neither of their careers had yet taken off, when they were more or less equals. When they were close, and Kihyun knew the feel of Yoongi's hands against him even better than his own.

"Don't be stupid," he says harshly. "Look at where you are, Yoongi-yah. You can't seriously tell me you want to go back to when you were working yourself to the bone just to get a single music show win."

"Not usually," says Yoongi, "but—right now, yeah, I do." His eyes slide over to meet Kihyun's, and the emotion contained in there, belying his loose posture and soft mouth, takes Kihyun's breath away. "Is that wrong?" He sounds like he's truly asking, but also like he might be goading, just a little bit. "Do you hate me for feeling that way, Kihyun-ah?"

No, Kihyun doesn't. He thinks, maybe, he might even love him for it.

"Why are you doing this," he breathes, as Yoongi reaches a hand up to brush against Kihyun's cheek. His heart is pounding with a mix of terror and excitement and the remnants of his earlier anger, and he can't look away from Yoongi's mouth.

"I've missed you," Yoongi replies.

Kihyun shakes his head. "That's not enough of a reason."

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. "No?"

No, Kihyun thinks, because he's missed Yoongi every day since they stopped doing this, but could never bring himself to reach out.

"I missed you," Yoongi repeats, "and also—I've been thinking about you more, these days." He grimaces, spreading his hands helplessly. "I don't know what else to say, Kihyun. I just wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see me," Kihyun echoes, and Yoongi nods. "You said you wanted to be my...distraction."

He lets his doubt and suspicion color the word, but he slips a little double entendre in as well. Yoongi flushes, and nods again. "If you want," he says, voice small.

Kihyun cracks a smile. "Min Yoongi," he says slowly, "is this a booty call?"

One of Yoongi's most charming points is his admirable, if unpredictable, ability to be absolutely shameless. Where just moments before he'd been rapidly coloring pink, now he levels Kihyun with a sharp, heated look, and says, "And what if it is?"

Kihyun rolls his eyes with unmasked fondness. "All right," he says, beckoning Yoongi closer. "Come make yourself useful and kiss me, then."

Yoongi grins at him toothily and scoots close enough to be half in Kihyun's lap, knee landing just between Kihyun's as he leans in to press their lips together. Kihyun hums, pleased, and cups his jaw in one hand.

To tell the truth, he can already feel the tension draining out of him, just at the touch of another person—and not just another person, but the person who knows better than anyone how to work Kihyun over until he can't remember the existence of a single stressful thing in the world. Even after all this time, he feels safe in Yoongi's hands, and he finds himself softening, turning the kiss sweeter and more affectionate as a result.

That's dangerous, Kihyun knows, even as he lets it keep happening. He and Yoongi stopped seeing each other for a reason. Kihyun stopped talking to him for a reason. Didn't he? He tries to remember any of the reasons he's had for been mad at Yoongi, but can't bring forward a single one. He wonders whether Yoongi will mind, that he won't need to make him his punching bag after all.

Pulling back from the kiss just enough to catch his breath, Kihyun tips their foreheads together. "What do you want?" he asks.

Yoongi's jaw tightens mulishly, and Kihyun knows what he's going to say before he says it. "I want to do what you want."

Kihyun sighs again, this time with exasperation. He thinks back to when he and Yoongi did this regularly, trying to recall what he knows Yoongi likes. He remembers: Yoongi likes to have his mouth filled. He likes to show off. He likes to control his partner's orgasm, but he likes to be pushed around a little, too. He likes to be useful, and sometimes he likes to be used.

"I want your mouth," he says, remembering at the last minute to make it a statement and not a request.

Yoongi smirks at him and, disentangling himself from Kihyun, smoothly drops to his knees in front of the bed.

Kihyun exhales, leans obligingly back on his hands while Yoongi busies himself unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning his jeans, sliding them down his legs enough for Kihyun to be able to spread them and Yoongi to be able to make himself a home there. "Eager?"

"You have no idea," Yoongi says all too sincerely, and Kihyun, flustered, falls silent. Yoongi glances up at him, eyes knowing. "What?"

"Nothing," Kihyun murmurs. "Come on, Yoongi-yah, make me feel good."

Yoongi nods, and bends his head to mouth at Kihyun's dick. His shoulders slump, a tension Kihyun hadn't even noticed leaving him. Kihyun swears, overwhelmed by the fact that Min Yoongi still wants him this much.

As if reading his mind, Yoongi mumbles, "Missed this," as he wraps his hand loosely around Kihyun. He takes him into his mouth slowly, eyes fluttering closed, and Kihyun can't stop himself from reaching out, tangling his hand in Yoongi's silky hair. Yoongi makes a small, desperate noise, and pulls off. "I wanted to taste you so badly," he whispers, and Kihyun feels something hot and desperate swell up inside him, so thick he almost chokes on it.

"Yoongi," he breathes, and Yoongi tilts his head, making eye contact as his lips part over the head of Kihyun's dick again. Like this, both of their barriers torn down, Kihyun can read him perfectly again—can see that look into Yoongi's eyes and know exactly what's not being said. He shivers, tearing his eyes away, and Yoongi sighs, his free hand gripping at Kihyun's calf as he sinks down further onto Kihyun's dick.

Kihyun's stomach churns with regret, and he forces himself to look back at Yoongi's face. "I missed you too," he croaks out, scratching his nails over the base of Yoongi's neck, and Yoongi shudders, moans deep in the back of his throat. He pulls away again, and Kihyun watches, mouth dry, as he fumbles his own fly open sticks his hand unceremoniously down his pants.

"Fuck," Kihyun breathes, as Yoongi's brow furrows, mouth falling open on a gasp. "Yeah, get yourself off for me, that's it—"

Yoongi makes a soft, high noise, almost a whine, and sucks Kihyun down again hungrily. Kihyun groans, fighting to keep his eyes open so that he can see Yoongi's lovely face going pink, his bangs sticking damply to his forehead. He can feel his orgasm building in his gut, an dclenches his hand in the bedspread, trying to hold on long enough to see Yoongi come apart first.

It only takes another minute or two: Yoongi comes, crying out, and Kihyun tugs him off by the hair so that he'll breathe properly. Yoongi fights him, diving back in immediately, both hands coming up to clutch at Kihyun's legs with determination. At the last minute, Yoongi leaves his come-slick right hand hovering mid-air—so he doesn't stain Kihyun's pants, Kihyun realizes, and barks out a laugh. Yoongi looks up at him quizzically, one eyebrow quirked, and it's with the resulting burst of affection that Kihyun finally comes. Yoongi swallows him down, looking pleased and smug.

Kihyun pushes him away, breathing unsteadily. Yoongi sits back on his heels, wiping his mouth with the side of his hand.

"Should've used a condom," Kihyun manages, after a moment.

Yoongi's mouth curls a little. "I said I wanted to taste you," he replies.

His voice is low and scratchy, and Kihyun's whole body pulses with a bolt of heated satisfaction. He shakes his head, disbelieving. "Stupid," he says, and falls back onto the bed.

"Can I come up?" Yoongi asks, half-joking, and Kihyun waves a hand in welcome.

After taking a moment to pull his pants off entirely, Yoongi crawls up next to him and curls up against his side. "Can I kiss you again?"

"You don't have to ask," Kihyun says, already turning toward him.

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. "Don't I?" he says, and kisses Kihyun before he can respond. The way he kisses him makes Kihyun's eyes grow hot. Something snaps in Kihyun's mind, and he opens his mouth, about to do something stupid like asking Yoongi to stay the night, when Yoongi pulls away. "Can I use your bathroom?"

Kihyun sits up. "Yeah," he says, and starts pulling his pants back up as an excuse to look away. "Of course."

Yoongi picks up his own scattered clothes and goes into the bathroom. When he comes back out, he's fully dressed and mostly put-together. Just a little flushed, hair a little mussed—like he's been out drinking with a buddy. Kihyun looks at his still-full glass of soju, the untouched food still on the desk. Following his gaze, Yoongi smiles, a rueful little thing. "Do you want to stay and eat a little before you go?" Kihyun offers. His own stomach grumbles, and he remembers how hungry he was when Yoongi first showed up at his room, before they both got...distracted.

"I should be getting back," Yoongi demurs. "I'm sure your members will help you get rid of whatever you can't eat."

Kihyun nods, barely hearing him. Now that the haze of arousal has faded, the sweat has cooled tacky on his skin, he can feel the doubt and frustration creep back in. He wonder if after this he and Yoongi will go back to barely speaking to each other for years. And if they do, who will he have to blame?

He's sitting there, statue-still, when the press of lips to his temple pulls him out of his spiraling thoughts. He blinks, and Yoongi is bending over him, eyes warm and knowing.

"Kihyun-ah," he says, conversationally enough that Kihyun knows it covers painful sincerity. "Would you ever want to try again? You and me, for real this time?"

Kihyun exhales like it's been punched out of him. "I don't know," he says.

Yoongi nods, eyes focused somewhere past Kihyun's shoulder. "When will you know?"

"I—" Kihyun shakes his head. "Can you ask me again in a few months?" he says, attempting a laugh. He knows Yoongi picks up on what he's not saying—there's too much going on, right now, for him to even think about dating. He doesn't have enough space in his head to manage it.

But he might, in a few months. In a few months, maybe he won't be feeling so much like he's barely treading water, and then—maybe—

"A few months?" Yoongi repeats. "Oh, that's not long at all. I'll get caught up in album preparations and forget, and then you'll have to call and remind me to ask."

Kihyun stares at him for a long moment, feeling an odd mix of relief, anticipation, and trepidation bubble up in his chest.

"I guess I'll just have to do that, then," he says, and watches Yoongi's face light up.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @peakcaps and talk to me about yoonkihyun and/or other kpop crossover ships!


End file.
